Changing Our Language is Important

We need to change a word that is hurting our children. A word that has no place if communities embrace diversity. 

That word is behaviour.

This single word makes us jump to a mental view of a child being:

• Naughty
• Disrespectful 
• Irresponsible
• Getting away with something 

We are a on mission to ban the word BEHAVIOUR as an outdated, antiquated mental concept that too many adults view the world through. 

We believe it is critical to replace this word with the word ACTION.

Why do we need a different word?

Words speak loudly. Words shape how we view and try and make sense of the world.

But we are also very biased by our words.  The meaning that I assign to a word will be uniquely mine based on my past experiences, my depth of understanding of that word, the culture I am raised in and the beliefs my family instilled in me growing up. Then I’ll use that word as a shorthand reference in my conversations with people - often with the mistaken belief we each of us have the same underlying meaning of that word.

This personal bias explains why one person can utter a sentence that another person can misinterpret. It explains why two people can watch something happen and have completely different viewpoints on the event.

So we want to change that language - rather than saying a child behaved in a certain way - lets try using the word action - describing the explicit actions that the adult sees.

Then: Child M showed poor behaviour today becomes Child M used lots of movement today.

Child H's was mis-behaving becomes Child H needed adult support today.

Action - Interpretation Cycle

A child takes an action.

An adult interprets that action and responds according to that interpretation. 

The child reacts to the adult action.

Child action > adult interpretation > adults action > child’s reaction 

It’s a simple circle, but…

Child action > adult misinterprets that action > the adult takes an action based on this misinterpretation > then a breakdown occurs.

However, the power of understanding the action - interpretation cycle means that an adult can now actively endeavour to learn when they are misinterpreting what the child intended and adjust the circle. 

To strengthen your ability to interpret a child’s actions, taking time and being curious about their possible intention is critical. Opening up all the possible interpretations can help create more accurate circles of interpretation. 

Example:                                                   

A child roaming around a room can be misinterpreted as being distracted or not concentrating. 

Other interpretations however could be:

• They need to scan the room to feel safe before they can attend to one activity
• Movement helps them listen to what is being said around them
• They have built up too many stress chemicals that they need to release before they can focus 
• An adult's misinterpretation of the child’s actions would lead them to take actions such as approaching the child, demanding they sit down or physically stopping them. These actions fail to use a systems lens and risk increasing the child’s attempts to make their needs clearer to the adult by engaging in more movement.
  

Why is this concept important?

The accuracy of the interpretation is highly influenced by the two human systems interacting together, their environment and past experiences, beliefs and culture.

The less clear the child’s ACTION was (e.g a non verbal communication of dislike) the less likely the adult will interpret it accurately.

The past success or failure of previous interpretations by the adult clouds the accuracy of this current interpretation.

The personal beliefs and assumptions of the adult further clouds how they interpret the action.

The more accurate a person becomes at interpreting another’s intention - the greater development of trust and connection between those two people. 

When we use the short hand word “behaviour” we are labelling everything that an adult can correctly and incorrectly assume is a negative action taken by a child. It primes an adult's brain to praise or criticise. It also makes many adults move to a view of choice - that the child has chosen to engage in that behaviour.

Changing our viewpoint is a way of trying to strip away our assumptions and past experiences. It is trying to catch the assumptions and judgements your brain is making in the moment. By being active in trying to check or reduce your knee jerk judgments - you are able to view the child’s actions and your knowledge of systems to better understand what that action represents for the child.

Different viewpoints:

1). A child moves constantly, pacing around the room

• Behaviour view = off task, hyperactive, not interested
• Action view = can the child make sense of their world without movement? Does the child feel safe? Can the child see adequately? Is the child looking for something? Is the child in pain? Does the child need movement to focus? 
  

2). A child pushes another child

• Behaviour view = deliberate, aggressive, conflict
• Action view = Does the child have coordination difficulties - that is they couldn’t stop their movements, not wouldn’t stop? Does the child have sensory needs - are they looking for deep physical input? Has their danger default response been activated, for reasons that may or may not be related to the pushed child?

Check In:

• What would your response be in these scenarios? 
• Are you looking through a lens of behaviour or action? 
• How could you become more curious in these scenarios?